Bigger is better!…right?

February 22, 2007

            So, mega store employees, great people, huh? Actually I am sure most of them are in real life. I guess we see them at a severe disadvantage their having been lobotomized and all.

I have to say there is nothing quite as refreshing as having the person who just spent the last six hours of his life stocking the very department you have torn apart looking for that special item that will make your life complete help you “look” for it.

            Dude, I want to say, but then immediately I realize that this brings me down to his level and so I call him sir. Thank you ,sir, but I thought maybe you might have specific insight into the placement of these particular objects since you just unpacked and shelved them with your own two hands! No? Okay, yes let’s call the Neanderthal who trained you to be soooo helpful and ask HIM where YOU put the toilet paper, shall we? That sounds like fun!

            One of my greatest challenges in life is keeping my cool in case you hadn’t guessed. In fact my wife asked me today if I thought God ever cussed. I told her that I thought he would if it seemed appropriate. So now the social worker is coming by to make a schedule for my supervised visits with my children…no, of course I’m not serious. But seriously it occurs to me that if God does not use “colorful language” from time to time that may in large part be due to the fact that he has never subjected himself to the carnal pleasure which is the mega store. Although I do believe I heard that he may have uttered an expletive the first time he stubbed his toe on the porcupine in his workshop. Can you imagine that? BLLEEEPPP! Who put that there? (tittering angels) I know I am supposed to be long suffering, but if I hear anybody say “you did” I will shuck this halo and….(the rest of this conversation has been edited for content)

             Of course God is not human and therefore not given to fits of temper, in fact just the opposite. Remember it was while we were still screwups (and look at us now baby!) Christ died for us! If there was ever anybody who had the right to be angry it had to be Jesus. And yet after thirty three years of walking around scratching his head over how badly we had jacked up the system only one time is he recorded as being angry. I mean come on guys! You know what it’s like. You just fixed the back door yesterday and now your son has managed to break it again! Or better yet, you build something for them only to have them tear it down, and then they have the nerve to ask your help to fix it!

            So, put yourself in Christ’s shoes. He and his Dad build this great zoo/playground for mankind and they post one lousy sign, “Don’t eat the apples!” Adam turns his back for one minute and his wife goes shopping for fruit! And just like us, he doesn’t have the heart to make her take it back so they invite the serpent to dinner and one thing leads to another and Eve talks Adam into killing thumper and a couple of his buddies to try to cover up the whole mess.  Oh, come on, of course she did! When was the last time you heard a guy say, “I’ve got nothing to wear and God’s stopping by after dinner, so can I have a fur coat? ,….Pleeeaase? I feel so naked!”

            So with tears in his eyes God steps out of heaven and carries man out of the garden. You would think that would be enough but a couple centuries go by and he has to tell a guy to build a boat. Swish! And away go troubles down the drain! We never seem to learn. By the time Jesus actually walks the earth things are so backward that he ends up hanging with the heathen outcasts because he can’t stand the people who are supposed to “know” him. When he does go hang out with them he has to teach them not to throw rocks at each other!

            What does it all mean? Scripture tells us to be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger because our temper tantrums are useless in furthering the plans of God.  So the next time that you find yourself being “served” by someone who appears to be less than competent , cut the guy some slack, After all he’s been putting up with jerks and Know-it-alls like me all day. Besides, it could always be worse, you could have his job.


One comment

  1. I know what you mean. I worked for a company that installed new product displays at the big box stores. I wound up helping some of those stressed out people who could not find what they were searching for–a real employee or toilet for the paper. The kingdom of God is about service…keep it up.

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